10 Years

Very few days do I remember every moment so clearly.    Very few moments that I do are sad ones.   Today 10 years gone by is remembered and it is sad.   The day my dad passed.  Ten years gone already.     It seems so fast, but its not.   So much life has been lived since then.     He has 4 grandchildren he will never meet.    There have been so many milestones and moments I wish he was present for.    I carry him in my heart daily and every moment my son smiles I see my dad in him.  He has his eyes.      I am thankful for the years we had, but I won't lie that I wish we still had 10+ more ahead of us.    


You are missed.  Every. Day.

The Eve of Three

I'm not sure why three is such a significant capture of time for me along the milestones of my babes - but it is.   Maybe it's the way I categorize their photos - one for each month of their lives... until I stop counting in months... when they turn three.  Whatever the nostalgia of it - it is once again happening.  Mae is turning three tomorrow.   I still have until 2:53pm before it's official, but no one really counts that.   When she awakes tomorrow she will be three.  

18 hours old

As I did with Ace I have compiled a collage of Mae from Month 1 through Month 35 in a collage.    It's hard to believe she was so tiny, and yet is still so tiny! 

36 months have past since she entered this world.  She's had many adventures, so many on her own path differing from her brother's.   She's her own spunky spirited self and a mirror of me in many many ways.   I look forward to the coming year.  Mae will finally get to start school (in September) she's been wanting to since she understood that is where brother goes.    She has much excitement yet to come.  Happy Birthday Eve, Sweet Mae!

Our mother-daughter journey continues.  I hope that it only can grow stronger and greater as time presses forward.   May she continue to love Jesus and grow into the amazing person that I believe she is destine to be.  

Eight Years Gone By

It crept up on me again - the reminder that this week marks the beginning of your absence for eight years gone by.    The pain of this day in particular isn't as palpable as it once was.   But a grim feeling and sadness in general typically sneaks up on me this week and until I realize its because of your passing it seems strange.     I miss you without even thinking of you lately.  That seems weird and hard.   I wish you were here to see your grandkids.  I wish you were there for mom.   It's not your fault you're gone, but I so wish you were still here.  I recently received pictures from our Troop and there were some of you.   I love 'new' pictures of you - even if they are decades old.   It makes you seem not so gone.     I miss you.

88!

 

Tonight on the eve of what would have been my grandma's 88th birthday I sit reflecting on time gone by.    In the last decade I've lots many loved ones.  It seems like she's been gone so long but when I do the math it's only been 4.5 years.  My grandpa has been gone for eight.  My dad, nearly eight years as well.  Time is so tricky like that.  I miss them.  But today I miss my Grum a lot.    I wish all of my lost loved ones could be here to know their (great) grandkids.    Enjoy the technology that gives us the option to seem so much closer even though we're miles apart.   To share more time.

I reflect tonight on many things, mostly happy. To dwell on sadness of the absence would be to drowned the memories of happiness and so I press on to reflect on those happy times - and there were many.    My mom reminded me the other day of  Grandma's game with my brother and I of 'Hide the Slipper'  Grum would sit in her chair and then we would go hide one (or both!) of her house slippers (think 80-riffic slip on plastic sole, terry cloth slippers, which she'd wear through and buy several more pairs throughout my entire life)  upon us returning to her chair in the living room she would begin to guess where we hid it.  :)  Eventually she'd get it right and we'd go hide it again!  All the while she didn't have to move at all.   Genius! 

 

Grandma, rocking "selfie" pics before they were cool!

Swinging and singing were two of my favorite things to do at Grum's.  Also eating those Gerber 'hot dogs' that were baby food ones - I know I ate those way beyond being a baby.   I also usually had gum and apple juice whenever I was there.   Grum always had the same bread - it was brown (at least that was all my take away was when I was a kid.) At my house we always ate the white bread, but I would eat the brown bread at Grum's, because that's what she had.  She'd make Swedish Pancakes every time I stayed over - and I used to crawl out of the room, sneaking to surprise them, to no one's surprise - ever.  ;)

 

 

Grum knew how to laugh at herself and her laugh was infectious.   I can still hear it.  Somehow we got this bow tradition to be a regular thing for the last several Christmases of her life.  Silly, but fun.  :)   Why not? ;)

 

Grum loved to cook - she cooked nearly every meal.  She knew her dishes and she knew how to make many things.   She made a mean German Chocolate Cake, yummy!     She also was a good sport when the list was past around for the church pot luck and by the time it had gotten to her someone - every time - would have signed her up for Grandma Jello!

 

I think the one thing I am most sad to have lost is time to talk to her more about Jesus.   She became a Christian 'late in the game' when she was 30 and she latched on to study His word with great fervor and zeal.   She wore through several Bibles in the 53 years of her walk with Christ on this earth.    We buried her with 'the' Bible that she had worn out the most.   We couldn't decide who should have it - so to dust it went.  :)   We all kept a few pages from it though where she had written and underlined and reunderlined some important passages to her.    I would have loved to now that I am older to have time to sit down and talk to her. 

 

 

Grum was so happy when she learned that she was going to be a great grandma.  It was the last Christmas I spent with her was when we announced we were pregnant with Ace.    I still recall when we found out he was a boy the first thing out of her mouth was "That's ok, the next one will be a girl."    She was right!  Mae has her spunk for sure, mixed with my facial expressions and BOTH of our stubbornness... oh boy watch out.   Perhaps you do share more than Grum's middle name sweet girl!

 

So much happiness and life that we shared.   I was at her house several days a week, swinging, laughing, playing, doing puzzles, playing games,  singing to Jesus, and occasionally making cookies or learning how to cook something as I grew older.   Grum's was my first sleepover, the first place I had gum, the first place I had coffee, many lessons were instilled to me there, many memories were made, laughs were had.    While I wish she were here to celebrate being 88!  I know that her time didn't run out here, she had just finally waited long enough to go home.   Happy Birthday, Grum!  I miss you.

 

 

Still Smiling

How do you say goodbye to someone that you've known for nearly a decade?   Who in the last two years impacted your life more in that short time than ever before...   Who in two years lived more life than some do in a lifetime...   Who never let cancer take her smile...  Today Katie is resting.  Katie is near the end of this ugly road she's been forced to walk.  Today when I went to see Katie, she still smiled. 

 

Cancer is ugly, it's mean, and it's ruthless and yet it still doesn't have control.   Katie decides and with that Katie wins.  We may never have a clear understanding of our purpose here.  However, we fortunate enough to know Katie and love her have been given the gift to see the impact and perhaps her very purpose on this earth - to show hope, love, grace, determination and most of all - the beautiful mother she's been to Kennedy.  Kennedy is Katie's heart, her love, her life and the part of her that will go on in this world.  Katie accomplished so much in her lifetime, but Kennedy was her most cherished accomplishment and a beautiful legacy.

 

Katie, as I said today - I love you.   I love that you 'stole' my wedding date and in turn 'gave me' an extra week of a honeymoon as a result... (After Loving Husband and I got engaged we picked August 7th, but then found out that Ryan and Katie were getting married that day and as a result we got married the weekend before and since LH was in their wedding - we had to delay our destination-honeymoon by a week, thus giving me an 'extra week' of a honeymoon stateside.)  I love that our girls play so well together.   I love that in these last two years we've become closer friends. 

Thank you for sharing your love, your story, your time with not only me - but everyone.   Thank you for being you.  Sometimes that meant being down right embarrassed and annoyed by your husband who is rocking out to karaoke at Dana's house.  To watching football sometimes more intently than the men in the room.   To always being generous whether at baby showers, birthdays, hosting parties, etc..   Thank you for the privilege to capture your memories this last year with Kennedy. 

May your final time on this earth be peaceful - may your goodbyes be all that you hoped and planned for them to be.   May your continue to never let cancer take your smile in this final stage, even if it's only on the inside.  It was beautiful today, my friend.  Go with God.

2008 at Ace's baby shower.  Not my finest, but I think Katie looks stunning.

A Choice in Destiny

Sometimes in life you get to choose your own path, make your own choice in how you live out your life's path. Sometimes you just don't get any say at all. Its what you choose to do with your destiny, whether self established or written on your behalf by circumstance that matters.

 

Everyone has a choice. Everyone has a voice. No matter what hand in life you are dealt. There are moments inside it that you have a choice - to be happy, to be sad, to fight, to grieve, to share, to love - whatever the circumstances.

It's hard to know why life happens the way it does sometimes.  However,  I find it admirable to watch and observe those whose destiny is chosen for them due to circumstances beyond their control, how they triumph and live through it.   The power and strength one has to make the best of their circumstances beyond their control. 

Katie since her diagnosis is one of these people.   This is never a path she, or anyone, would ever choose - but it was destined to be for her and as she journeys through this battle with cancer she focuses on the positives, she grieves through the magnitude of it all, and she fights with unimaginable strength.    She still chooses her destiny even if her path was decided by something beyond her control.

Katie fights and as we stand beside her watching her do so - we are all better for it.   Our time on earth is never known.  God can call us home at any time, for any reason. It is what we do with our time we do have that matters.   I'm using some of my time Praying in Purple for my friend.



Because there are never enough kisses!

Seven on Seven for Seven

It's been seven years.  It doesn't seem so long and yet it feels even longer.   I miss him.

Ten on Ten - July

This month marks one year that I've been participating in Ten on Ten - officially June would have marked a year, but I didn't get around to participating in June's because I was busy doing my first newborn photo shoot!   Which was sooo fun!  :)   I'll eventually blog about it.  Maybe.  

Today was a typical Tuesday.   Ace is no longer in preschool for the summer so we're doing school at home.   We got a new puppy a few weeks ago (yah I need to blog about that too!) so life keeps us busy and on our toes!  Today also in Mae's half birthday! Our little girl is 1.5 years old!  Impossible! (and of course there will be a blog about that too!)   Our days start early and time escapes me so my 10 on 10 is throughout the day as I remembered so within the 13 hours I was taking pictures, I managed 10 of those hours to get at least one shot.  :)  Not too shabby!   Happy 10 on 10 everyone!

Ace decided he was still tired so he went and climbed into our bed... he was shocked to find me photographing him.

Awake and joining the rest of the family downstairs, Ace was less than thrilled to share his blanket with his sister.

Yay our second Boon arrived (we have a LOT of stuffed animals!) Time to stuff it!

School time!  Sight word fun!

A little reading application of those newly learned sight words with some pen action!
Also I was really impressed that both kids sat in one place for over 90 minutes without needing wiggle time.

Mae Mae is 18 months old and time to take her traditional (or as this picture depicts) not so traditional photo in her chair.

Blogging World meet Pixel our little cairn terrier and tea cup (or mini) Australian Shepard mix.  More on him in another post.

It's 80 degrees!  This is so much fun!!!

Bliss: eating cantaloupe with salt in the backyard on a warm summer day... really makes me miss my dad.

Bath time after dinner!   This picture was snapped and then one 'page' was read before Ace bellowed
"Moooom, sister pooped in the tub!"   No rest for the mommy... I needed to clean the tub anyway.

To see more visit A Bit of Sunshine...

1000

Not sure if anyone noticed, but my post on Saturday was the first in nearly two weeks.  I took a break.  I took a break to reflect what I wanted out of this blog.  Where this blog has been, where it is going, what does it mean.    That and I was tired.  I've been feeling worn down lately for a variety of reasons, frustrated with illnesses, circumstances and communication.   Not felt like saying much... and not so ready to write the celebratory 1000th blog post!  

In May as this milestone approached I was excited - I thought about getting a sponsor and having a giveaway, but then I just couldn't find something that was fitting. June rolled around and my numbers of posts became closer and closer to the grand occasion and I still wasn't sure what I wanted to actually blog about ... so I stopped blogging.  For two weeks.   If you look back prior to 2009 a two week gap isn't much to note.  I never blogged more than 2-3xs in a month for several years. 

The tone of this 1000th post is starting off far from celebratory, but aren't milestones also opportunities to simply reflect?    It seems to me a look back at where I've been would be good.   This blog in large part has taken on many roles - a catalog of daily events, a sounding board for my own growth and grief, a catalog of my children's milestones and adventures, a review and giveaway forum, and most recently a place to share my photography.   For the last eight years this blog has been a place to gather my thoughts, share my feelings, and a piece of my life - this post is no different.

Aside from these words of pondering - I couldn't come up with any words that were so profound that they needed to be memorialized here in this the 1000th blog post.    As a result I am going to fall back to what I know best, my current focus: photography and allow you to enjoy 1000 photos from the past eight years

I've always loved photography - and the innovation of digital photography truly allowed that passion to explode so I had plenty of 1000s of pictures to wade through to create this collage.   1000 pictures is kind of hard to display in a concise manner.   The pictures are itty bitty so and I was on the hunt to find a way to display them in a unique manner.  So I went in the hunt for a mosaic program.   I found on Cnet: AndreaMosaic a free mosaic program that is super easy to use!   So if you'd like to make your own, enjoy!  :) 

Thanks for following and reading, I'd happily blog without an audience as I find this to be a good way to document my history and memories, but sharing it with others is always fun and often rewarding!      Here's to another 1000 posts!

One Year Ago

This date has not been lost on me.  The 16th marks one year since Mae was admitted to Children's for RSV.   She was 9 weeks old and my little girl received and endured: xrays, ivs, oxygen, aburterol, and LOTS of deep suctioning over the course of a week.   It was a very dark week, but even through it all - little Mae still found time to smile.   That week was very hard on Mae and the days dragged on  3, 4, 5, 6... and finally we went home almost to the minute of a week in the hospital.   It was the longest I had ever stayed in a hospital - no I never left the building that week.   It was the longest I had been away from Ace too.   It was the longest Loving Husband was a 'Stay At Home Dad' -  it was a long week.   It was a long walk toward recovery - but one our family journeyed just fine.

That week ended and within the next week she was all healed and wasn't sick again with anything more than a runny nose until December.   We rejoice in God's plan for our little girl and even though she endured some tough trials in that week,  I believe she is stronger for it.   She remembers nothing - she's a happy, sweet little girl.   Who is prone to broncolitis (she's had it twice this winter) but who still smiles and runs and plays and has a great giggle.

Mae went through something major, but showed us all a great lesson in love and faith and it is one that this mommy has not forgotten even though one year has gone by.   You never know what road you will travel.  It might be a healthy one, or it might be one of illness and struggle.  The lesson that I was reminded of during Mae's hospitalization is that God is always there walking with you.   In control and watching over you.

My little girl is a happy, silly, fourteen month old (mostly) healthy little girl, who already has had more medical intervention than her brother and more personal experiences with emergent care that I have ever had.   She's a strong and wonderful baby girl who I am so blessed to call my daughter.

So while I reflect on this milestone on the closing of yet another upper respiratory illness Mae has been fighting off for the past two weeks - I just want to say that I am thankful for the reminders of faith that week gave me.   The renewed sense in relying on God for strength and to say thank you to Jesus for allowing our little baby girl to grow up and chase her big brother and the opportunity to one day catch him!

"...Not my will, but thine, be done" 

Luke 22:42(KJV)

One Last Swing...

Snoozing away, 5 months old

If you recall when Mae turned 11 months old - I was having a mini-meltdown regarding her swing and the fact that she had grown out of it.  Today I sold the swing and I won't lie - I'm a bit overly saddened by the finality of it.   It's silly really - but honestly the swing really is for me the close of Mae being a baby.   She really is headed full steam ahead into toddler!  

She LOVED that swing.  For the first 8+ months of her life aside from when we were in the hospital, out of town or moving I can say I am fairly certain that she was in it every day - multiple times a day.  When she was really little it rarely was on - the part she loved then was the mobile and the mirror.  She would stare at it for so long and only fuss when the timer was up on her birds spinning around. 

10 weeks old

11 weeks old - the day she came home from Children's

That swing gave mommy some sanity, two free hands!   She slept so well in it and until she really got to crawling she loved to just be in it even after she'd awake from a nap, be content to play with a toy and observe and giggle at her brother as he played or did something amusing.   Most of the time it didn't even have to be on!

27 days old

A comfort when we moved to a new home in Mississippi - 15 weeks old

16 weeks old

5 months old

She really looks like me when I was a baby in this picture - 5 months old

7 months old

7 months old with her brother

She always looked so cozy when she slept from the first day we brought her home, until the very last time she slept in her swing only a few days before she turned 1.   She certainly has grown and changed in this last year and though the swing is gone - it provided a nice cradle of memories and comfort in our little girl's first year. 

2 days old

25 days old

6 weeks old

6 months old

9 months old

Her final sleep in the swing 4 days before her first birthday...

I think she knew her mama needed her in the swing one more time, because on one average afternoon where normally (and consistently for the previous two months) she would have instantly awoken if I had dared attempted to put her in the swing after she was asleep - I gently placed her in the swing and she snuggled in. I gave it a little push and watched my baby sleep in her swing for the last time.  She's growing up - and one day she'll roll her eyes and my overly ridiculous sentiment for a standard piece of baby equipment.  :) 

On a lighter note - I would like to point out in the final picture her feet look HUGE,

but she wears a tiny size 4 shoe with plenty of room, funny camera angle I guess!  :)