Saturday, August 4, 2007

Here's to a new year looking up...

This entry starts out kinda bleak, but I promise it does get better.

I've kept "Here's to a new year looking up!" as my profile quote for over 7 months now. Prior to that in 2006 it was dedicate for the whole year to one quote in memory of my father. I kept this quote up for the last seven months convinced that if I didn't I would be faced with another period in my life of strife and loss. 2006 I was met with the grieving of my grandfather (who, although died in November 05 was very much a part of the grieving processes in 06) and the sudden and painful loss of my dad abruptly. In less than 6 months, by late February I had lost my grandfather, my dad, and my cousin just a few years older than I. It didn't appear as if the loss would end. The grieving process was long, deep and difficult and truly all done with Loving Husband already moved to the NW, I was alone in So Cal. Now of course I was not by any means truly alone, I had great friends and more family just a car ride away… but I went home to an empty house to grieve – and although in some sense that was a blessing it was also a curse. Mid-2006 I uprooted by entire life to relocate to the NW, and although this move was something I did want… it meant entirely uprooting everything about me: family, friends, home, job, my life. The first few months was struggle. And as time went on I found a great job, great friends, and made the NW, my home. Like with anything it just takes time. Christmas came and my family came to stay – it was a wonderful time of year, and good way to end 2006 after such a rocky start. However, it didn't end on an entirely high note. My cousin, Babi killed herself two days before the new year. Her Christmas card still sitting on the table talking about her happy holiday and her early January travels to Tennessee that she was excited to go on. What was wrong with this world? And so I again pushed forward and as 2006 wound to a close – on myspace I wrote "Here's to a new year looking up"

Now this year has been filled with drama, from a tumultuous relations at work to the break down of extended families, not my own. But I truly must yield to the quote that this year has been looking up. I studied and took the bar again, and I passed, I became an attorney! I've been able to visit with my best friend, Becky twice with a third visit nearing the horizon next month. My other dear and best friend, Carrie is getting married this year! I joined a wonderful group through our church and have met some great people. I got to see my mom and Dawn and my very nice swearing in ceremony. I got to see my dear friend Mark gets married! I've reconnected with a great friend, Dave! I went to Rome!! I got a raise! I celebrated three wonderful years with Loving Husband. We have plans at Christmas to hopefully have the whole family down in our hometown, including Derek and Jen!! This has been a wonderful year so far… and so I must yield and not fear that by some crazy voodoo removing the quote is going to hinder that. Death and sadness occurs without notice, but it does it in spite of quotations or silly superstitions. And thus far although to some, what might seem like a ridiculous exercise is more "myspace excessivism and over emphasism" I feel that I can change my quote and not feel that my world will topple down on me. Because heck, even if the rest of 2007 is the worst I've ever experienced… it still will result in the fact that for over seven months this year was better than last – and thus the year looked up!