Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Missing him...

Tonight as I sit in my new office, late at night while the rest of the world sleeps - I can't help but truly miss my dad. My dad is really the one that would love getting emails of pictures of my house (my mom and grandma do too, but my dad always the first to respond and be excited.) Late at night would be when my dad and I would chat about our days... for the last couple years of his life, his end of the conversations were extremely limited and boring (in his opinion, too) and that was always saddening for us both, because it would kill me at how discontent he was... and for him it would be just the same a frustration at the limitations of his body and what was left and settled as his life and existence. And I know now he's busy doing a million and one things that he loves to do, with people that he loves to do them with... able to breathe and be healthy in a MUCH better place... but the selfish me really wishes he was still here able to chat with me now online. He never got to see this place, or know that I was happy here (although he knew I would be!), he never got to see me teach MY cats to sit up pretty like he taught his, and many other future "he nevers" ...

Overall lately, it has been much better than the original devastation. I still am numb, and I still think every now and again "hey I should tell my dad that..." and then a sadness and a smile kinda comes over me because I can't tell him, but I can kinda take comfort in that he already knows whatever is that I wanted to tell him. So, it's interesting. Next Friday, surrounded by much excitement of a wedding and much celebration - I will take a moment for my dad - it will have been 6 months. Six months since I've talked to him, hugged him, smelled him, saw his eyes - his beautiful eyes, changed the channel for him, watched football with him (Go Saints!,) told him what was happening in my life... 6 months. It doesn't seem possible - and probably will never seem fair. He should have had another 30 years. Yet he had a great 58.

Monday, June 26, 2006


Argggg! That's all I have to say. This Examsoft, software is insane. I feel like I'm hacking into the FBI top secret documents simply to be able to take this exam and if I hit one wrong button my computer is going to explode! I remember a similar feeling in law school when I used this technology only with a calm while typing the exam (instead of writing it) and then a surge of panic while it "saved" onto the disk/hard drive/the blackhole... and praying that the last 3 hours of my life where not wasted on nothingness. I'm sitting here after downloading the software and reading the emailed instructions that I am supposed to take a qualification exam and that if I inserted a disk into the floppy drive that it would prompt me to do that... did it? No. Is there anything labled "qual exam"? No. WTF. Well, I guess if all else fails I can write it. Goody!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I'm a terrible LJ Journaler

Alright - well, I've severely neglected my livejournal, yet again. I really try to write stuff in here as well - but clearly my thoughts never result in action and thus you get quarterly updates here. Sigh... most of those (or in fact all of those) that read this particular journal a) know what's happening in my life and b) read it on my myspace journal. So either way. My life and it's existence gets known one way or another.

Today, I spent the last 30 minutes going through my friend Ivy's journal and remembering the fun times that I had with her and those during that time in my life. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the woods in 1999. It was stressful as hell and more drama filled than any other summer... but certainly one of the most exciting and fun summers of my life. A healthy level of debauchery as well. (haha!)

Yet here I sit as an "adult" with real responsibilities, bills and deadlines - and instead I'm in nostalgic world... ahh well. I've already made comment to a few people that if I don't pass the bar this time, I won't be terribly upset or shocked. Really, I'm not kidding. I really haven't studied enough to warrant a passing grade (regardless of what I "know" from last summer). So, it's ok - I'm still going to try, but I'm not going to NOT have a life like last summer. I have a husband I haven't been around for 6 months as it is... and the weather here is too damn gorgeous to simply sit inside and study.

I get to go back to So Cal in 4 days! I'm so excited! I miss it already and I haven't even been gone a month. I love it here in the NW. Don't get me wrong, but I also love it there. Oh the conflict. I just want people to visit me and I'll be fine. I hate when you move somewhere and everyone all gun-ho about visiting and then NO ONE EVER DOES. Don't be those people!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

We're Here!

Although it doesn't seem as anyone BUT Carrie cares that we are... since there were no other comments except from my road-trip buddy... but I digress and plan to write a stellar blog that all of you can simply be amused by and leave no interesting feedback for me. (I'm not sad or bitter, really!)

So, we left San Carlos around 10:30am on Sunday morning. A bit later start than we intended, but that's ok. Carrie took this leg of the drive! Some say it saved our lives... just because I'm a fast driver and twists and turns don't mix well with that... hmmph! Well, thank you Carrie for saving my life and yours!!! ;-) We stopped in Starbucks where we acquired and extra riding buddy... nameless until we hit the town of Willits, where we appropriately named him Will Carlos (Adopted from the San Carlos Starbucks) He's a bear by the way... not a serial rapist that couldn't catch a cab.
We drove on the 101 for many many miles on Sunday. We went over a very foggy Golden Gate Bridge, drove past many green trees and few blue skys, said hello to Paul and his pal Blu and somewhere around 5:30pm we said goodbye to California!

We continued our trek into Oregon and for the most part were clouded over, but still a great drive. We amused ourselves with dashboard photos and random shots out the car, T-Rex "replicas" and attempting to find a decent station to play our iPods on. We drove well into the evening and even into the night where we finally stumbled into Coos Bay on the Oregon coast and got a hotel room at 9:30pm. We wearily approached the counter, requested a room and got one with a spa in it! Oh yah! So Carrie and I took our belongings to the room and went back out to McD's to get ourselves Oreo McFlurries. Came back hopped in the spa, ate our delicious treats and watched SATC. Excellent! It was wonderful!!! We got to sleep around midnight.

We woke up around 8am on Monday morning and again Carrie started the trek up the 101 after an hour or so we cut over onto the 126 and headed towards the I-5. Got ourselves some lunch a little up the 5, switched driving positions, and then drove straight on into town around 5pm. Yay!!!! We had made it. Had dinner with Loving Husband and his parents, saw my kitties and then came back to my home to watch a movie on the computer while sitting on the air mattress and drinking some champagne. What a way to end a road trip! It was most excellent.

This trip was far more interesting than the last one, and I can't think of anyone I would have rather done this trip with! Love you Carrie!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

On the Road Again...

Well, Carrie and I enjoyed excellent shopping at the Outlets and were quite successful with a few purchases on our way up to San Jose on Friday, enjoying a few stops for food, clothing and gas. We arrived at my Aunt and Uncle's around 6:30pm on Friday, not too terrible, we were worried that we had spent too much time browsing through clothing stores and we were going to miss dinner, but we made it. My Aunt fixed us a lovely meal and we all spent the rest of the evening and well into the night sitting around and chatting and consuming way more than the recommended dosage of wine (for any of our tastes) ::cough:: 6 bottles. We finally all headed to bed around 2am.

We then awoke way too early for any of our tastes on a NORMAL day and we got ready and my Uncle, Carrie and myself headed to Monterey Bay to see the World Famous Aquarium. One more "theme" park for me to visit before leaving California. However, before we headed to Monterey we had to go shopping, yes it is true we really had to. My Aunt and Uncle had been invited to a rather posh birthday party for a co-worker of my Aunt who was turning 50 and Carrie had to purchase a dress, and we both had to buy shoes. (Yay for packing all shoes I own but flip flops). So we accomplished those two tasks and headed out to the Aquarium. It was great. The jellie fish were by far the greatest, they were amazing. We walked around for a few hours and enjoyed the view and excitement of the area and then we were headed North again back to "home".

We arrived back to the house and got ready for the party. It was a lot of fun, the hordourves were amazing! I couldn't believe all the exciting different things we had to chose from, but man did we get full. :) We socialized minimally, enjoyed another glass or two of wine and then headed out after we partook in the amazing dessert spread. Delicious. We got home and had a mild evening and turned in rather early. We were all dead from our excitement the night before.

And now I sit typing away... getting ready to leave here and head back out onto the 101. We will go over the San Francisco Bridge and see many lighthouses in Oregon. And at some point we will simply crash in a hotel for the night - wherever we are too tired to go on at. :) So wish us luck! There will be another update when we arrive into our final destination on Monday!

Friday, June 9, 2006

And We're Off

It's really happening... Carrie and I are leaving today to head up the 101 on our last adventure to the NW(via car) UNLESS I can convince her and Jason to move there and then I will gladly entertain another road trip! Hehe Until then! ROAD TRIP!

Thursday, June 8, 2006


It's my last day in So Cal. The Movers are now here wrapping things up and packing them into the giant semi that's parked out in front of the house. I'm sorta cleaning around them as they go so that I can get out of here as soon as I can. Not that I was to leave So Cal that bad - I think you can gather that that is not the case. But just so my landlord can come and do the final walk through and I can go get some food. I am starving! I have a cup of water and some tangerine altoid sours. MMM...

After the movers are done and everything is out of here... I'll turn in my keys and go sit at the beach for a minute or two. It's the last time that the beach will be home for me. And although I have only swam the Pacific Ocean ONCE since I've called So Cal home, I still enjoyed many sunsets, tanning sessions and random late night frolics with friends. (frolics in the clean sense of the word, sickos!) So the beach I must make an appearance at before I leave.

Then I will head to PB and drop of my cable equipment and then on the road to Los Angeles the first leg of the road trip where I will arrive at Carrie's and CRASH - I am so tired, sore and just plain exahusted.

Good-bye So Cal!

Wednesday, June 7, 2006


Not the Green Bay kind (even though are my second favorite to the Saints!) ... but those that are packing up my entire life as I sit and observe. It's strange. Also at times disconcerting as to their methods and organization of packing. Sigh. I can't believe that I am leaving So Cal tomorrow! Yah I'll be back in like 20 days for a week for Troy and Jackie's wedding (yay!) but it won't be the same. I won't be a resident of So Cal anymore, I won't even still be a Californian!

It's just hard to believe that 8 years has come and gone and that these past few weeks have gone by even faster. I said goodbye to Shannon, Nikki and Jessica on Saturday (of course I'll see them again!) but it's still sad. Over the past week I sat in Jazz & Java for over 8 hours catching up and saying goodbye to Mark and Rah Rah (hehe!). I said goodbye to my Grandma and my Mom on Monday. It's going to be the hardest to be away from them. Until now, I've been able to drive up if they ever needed me... and although I can still do the same with a quick flight the logistics of it all will be far more taxing (and costly!) I said goodbye to Cassandra today, (THANKS FOR BREAKFAST!) and tonight, I'll say goodbye to Lys. I haven't cried yet... I'm sure Carrie will receive the tsunami force of those tears! But it is all very sad. Yes, I am excited for this new chapter of my life and I am sure the best is yet to come... but it's still incredibly sad.

The movers come tomorrow at 7:30am to disassemble and move to the truck all of what remains of my So Cal life. It's just so hard to believe, hard to fathom. Hard.

Yet, Carrie and I still have a fabulous road trip ahead of us, which I am very much looking forward to! Its going to be great. Friday we head out!!!